And guess what - today is a FREE TOPIC. Oh snap...just seeing the topic and my brain goes wild with possibilities! So I'm going to go introspective for a moment here.
As a Mom, and maybe just genetics and upbringing have something to do with it too, I have been conditioned to not really think that much about what I want. I know what my basic needs are, and I even know a lot of things that I enjoy. But something I've always had a difficult time with is making actual decisions or knowing what I want when other people ask me for my opinion. In life, to eat for dinner, to do for a date...you name it, I'm pretty much undecided about it when others are involved. If it is just me I can usually just go straight to what I want because I'm not worried about letting someone else down. It used to drive my Dad batty when I would visit for the summer. A typical conversation might go like this: Dad says "what do you want for dinner?". I respond "I don't know". Dad says "how do you not know? You must have some kind of idea". Me: "I don't know". Dad: Pick something, anything...whatever you want. Me: I don't know. Dad: Make a DECISION. Me: Okay, I want burritos. Dad: Thank you!!!! Burritos it is.
So sometimes when I actually do allow myself to dive in deep to my thoughts and think about what I want, one of the things that rises to the top is I want to be a better runner. I know that it is something that I want. I want to train. I want to put in the hard work. I want to get faster. I want awesome running form. I want to just be better at it. I don't care if I win races or beat other people. I just want to know, deep down inside, that I'm a pretty decent runner because I put in the work to be one.
That's something I want - but there's a definite disconnect between the want and the actual work to get there. And that is always what it comes back to for me. How do I get past the hurdle of cutting myself too much slack so I can achieve my little dream of being a better runner? How do I beat the stupid lazy brain syndrome that tells me to just stop, just go slower, just take it easy today, just get some more sleep, just do it tomorrow.
I haven't figured it out yet...but I'm trying! If you have any suggestions, please share! I can use all the help I can get...trust me!
OMG, that conversation is the Mr and I every Saturday. It's maddening. Sometimes I just have to have options ready because by the third "I don't know, what do you want?" I will go off! LOL
ReplyDeleteI wish I had the right suggestion for the disconnect. I feel it too. I do the right thing most of the time and I know there are more drastic measures I could take to meet my weight loss goals but I'm not in this to be miserable either. I'm already mad I can't make Ina Garten's dishes every day and maintain my weight much less lose on it. I think when you're comfortable you just tend to settle a bit because it's not as bad as it used to be but not where you want to be. Speaking for myself, at least. If you figure out the answer, let me know! :-)
HA! Well, my hubby will be happy to know that he isn't the only one that has that conversation on the regular. Because I apparently never outgrew that discussion...my hubby definitely understands my Dad's frustration back in the day. LOL
DeleteAnd, yes, I totally agree with you - it is much harder at this place that I'm at now because it is "good enough" but not what I totally want. But a whole lot easier to just slack off and make bad food choices which is not so bueno. If I find the magic ticket, you will be the first I tell!!! :-D
That's interesting. Do you really think it's a mom thing? I'm a pretty decisive person & I'm not a mom.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm a good caretaker - I put the needs of my animals before me, because well, they're animals & in this day & age they can't walk themselves. I sometimes put my husband's needs first.
I want to be a better runner too. Don't most of us? But I do put in the hard work . . .and just don't seem to get better (or get injured if I run too fast).
I know I started off saying because I was a Mom, but then I realized that it probably really is more about genetics and upbringing. I have a pretty selfless Mom that did the same thing, so this is probably just genetics rearing its head. ;-)
DeleteAnd yes - I feel your pain about putting in the work and still not seeing improvement or see injuries pop up instead. I deal with the same, it seems. I would love to see what I could do if the planets would align long enough for me to 1) get past the stupid lazy brain mentality while 2) staying injury free and 3) fully complete a training cycle in its entirety.
That's not too much to ask for, right? hahaha
Love the realness and honesty of this post Kristen! I wish I had some concrete advice to give you. I know it's hard-- but once you are in the routine of doing the things you want to do, it will just become second nature. The treadmill has become my BFF for getting faster as a runner. I've been able to cut just over a minute off my 5K time, and I cut 19 minutes off my marathon time by doing speed intervals. You can do it! Baby steps :)
ReplyDeleteAmanda - Thank you!!! My biggest hurdle is seriously, without a doubt, myself. And I recognize it and that's the first step, no? :-) Thank you for the advice on the treadmill (I love mine too!!) and speed intervals. I actually did some this morning and I really LIKE them...so next Tuesday instead of taking it on the low end of the pace spectrum I am going to push just a little bit harder. Thanks again! I totally appreciate the feedback! :-)
DeleteI'm in the same boat. You'll totally figure it out and be the best runner you can be. Cut yourself some slack, hire a running coach, and have fun.
ReplyDeleteRachel - thank you!!!! And you're right, I think hiring a running coach just might be what I need to get me over the hump. I'm thinking on it a lot these days and think your comment might have been the okay I needed to actually start researching it. :-)
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