Monday, September 30, 2013

Let the (Mind)Games Begin!

I "technically" graduated from the 10k Training plan that I was doing. I say "technically" because I haven't run a 10k and several of the last couple week's workouts were skipped or lessened down to not be as many miles. I could offer up all kinds of excuses about how September was so busy and whatnot, but what it mostly comes down to is that I just didn't feel like it. Hey, just being honest for the moment!

Not that I didn't like the training program, because I did. I think I was just bored with 10k training as a whole. Where I really wanted to be was in Half Marathon training. I couldn't wait for the 10k plan to be done so I could move onto what I really wanted to be doing - training for my third half marathon.

You see, I was in training for my third half marathon when the knee disaster hit. And immediately after finishing the third, I was going to continue training for my fourth. Neither of those happened both because they were cancelled and I wouldn't have been able to do it anyways because my body was not going to be ready. Side note: both half marathons were by the same race company - IO Events - and they cancelled them and said little about refunds. The first cancellation was probably about two weeks before the event (January 2013). I really don't know how these companies get away with that kind of thing. I've heard of several others that have done the same thing since we went through it earlier this year and they don't refund the money either. I can't help but wonder if they then just restart as a new company and do it all over again. Seems like fraud if you ask me but there isn't any agency that is willing to do anything about it; sadly enough. Alright - back on track here...

I was ready, mentally, to totally KILL my half marathon last January. I went into the training cycle wanting a PR and ready to work my tail off to get it. Obviously that didn't happen. Life fell apart and my body revolted. And even though I'm not looking at a PR in this next race, I want to go in to it in the best shape I can possibly be in. I want to feel trained. I can't say that I have EVER felt like that going into my previous two half marathons (Mission Inn in 2010 and Tinkerbell in 2012). There's probably one time that I went into a race feeling trained and ready for it - it was the Idyllwild 10k that I participate in each year (did the 5k this past year due to the knee issue that is beginning to sound like a broken record excuse) and after it kicked my rear the first year out in 2010, I hit the hills and upped my mileage and went in the second year in a much better place. I did PR in that race, but that was probably the last time I really felt like I was ready for a race. Not good considering that was back in June 2011. *sigh* Just in case you're curious, I did run the 10k in June 2012 and didn't feel trained and got pretty much almost the exact time as Year 1. So there you have it. Training DOES make a difference.

So my usual method of training is coming up with a really awesome plan, getting it done and rocking it out for the first several weeks, and then just slowly dropping a workout here, or not hitting the paces there, eating like I'm training for an Ironman or something, and then showing up on race day completely unprepared for the effort and usually a few pounds heavier than I even was when I started. And it shows. I go out and struggle through it and then question everything.

I feel like a fraud. Like who do I think I am?!? Do I actually believe that I'm someone that should be "racing". (Keep in mind that term is relative...) I line up at that starting line wearing the "gear" and feeling like I belong and then the buzzer goes off and within a few miles I realize that I was only fooling myself. I don't belong out there "racing". The haphazard fashion that I treat training says that I should be out there doing a Fun Walk with a group of girlfriends...and maybe small children or babies. Because then I could actually keep up and not want to die. Then I wouldn't feel like a fraud and even more so I wouldn't LOOK like a fraud walking along the course while old ladies pass me by with hardly any effort.

This time around I also can't help but realize that the half marathon I'm shooting for - The Citrus Heritage Run is basically just about the EXACT same time of year as what should have been this January. So that means I'm training at the same time. I shudder at the thought of re-injuring myself; or creating a whole new injury. Will I actually be able to even make it through a training cycle to see if I am not the fraud I've been the past two times? Maybe I'm just not capable of doing it?? Yep - MIND GAMES. They are in full force.

So to combat the mind games I really need to stay committed to my training AND my diet. I need to drop some pounds AND be smart about rebuilding my fitness. I need to recognize that boredom is my enemy...when I'm bored, I bail out. I can't bail this time. Yes, there are times I can skip a workout, but there aren't weeks that I can skip workouts. If I don't want to be a fraud, then I need to stop being a fraud. I need to show up and train like I want to compete against myself in the best shape that I can possibly be...physically AND mentally. Because running a long(er) distance race IS a mind game.

So really I guess I need to just say - Let the Games Begin!! No mind games necessary. I'm ready. I can do this. Yes, I can!!!!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Don't Call it an Update...

I recognize that I'm pretty horrible at this blogging thing...I just haven't had anything to say lately! Now, there's lots going on and lots of things I've thought about and I may have even had some epiphanies in there, but they never seem to take root for very long and by the time I sit down to pound it out, the thought is gone and I've moved on to the next thing. And then before you know it, I feel like all I'm doing is a lame "update" post about what I've been doing lately. Silly. Or as my granddaughter Angelique would say, "you're siwwy!" That is one of her favorite things to say! Another favorite? If you say to her "Angie, where's Daisy?" she says back in a little squeaky run on voice "IdunnoknowwhereDaisy?" as she looks around - even if she's literally RIGHT THERE she still looks around like she can't find her. And you know why? Because I don't think she's just looking for Daisy the family dog, she's looking for Daisy Duck! It's pretty darn funny because it's her first true sentence - she can't find the dog or the duck. Siwwy!

We celebrated Joshua's 3rd birthday this past weekend - he turned the big three on Friday the 13th. Good thing we aren't superstitious, right? We headed to Disneyland after I got off work at noon and we had a blast! That kid already knows how to do Disneyland up right! I think his favorite ride was probably Tow-Mater's Junkyard Jamboree over in California Adventure. I didn't ride it because we had just eaten food and my stomach was a little unsettled, and watching the ride I figured it was a safe bet to skip it at that particular time! The girls said he laughed the entire time he was on it though. His other favorite had to be Luigi's Flying Tires. Oh, and he got to meet Lightning McQueen! Well, sort of anyways. They went up to him after waiting in line and he panicked! He couldn't do it...just held on to his Momma as tight as possible. Oh well, maybe next time he'll feel a little more brave.

"This way, Momma!"
I just love the little skip in his step in that picture! And yes, that's his Momma walking with him, and yes, she really did birth him, and no she didn't get the fabulous bounce-back-after-baby-genes from me seeing how it's been 19 years and I'm still trying to drop the "baby weight"!

Hey - did you hear? The Autumn Season has begun!!!!! How do I know? These are back in stores and me and the hubby could not be happier!!

Forget Pumpkin Spice Latte, or PSL as they seem to be calling it this year, at Starbucks. The first sure sign that Fall has arrived is the Thomas Pumpkin Spice Bagels! As I said to my hubby in the text message I sent him with that picture attached: Ohhhhh yeahhhhhhh!!! That's some good stuff right there. Fall is on its way, Thank God!

My knee continues to do great and I'm progressing along on the 10k training. As a matter of fact, I will complete it next weekend on 9/28! Hard to believe that time is flying by so quickly. Oh wait, it's not hard to believe at all!! That's just life, it seems. I'm pretty darn excited to wrap up the 10k training and move on to Half Marathon. I think we just might have found the race too. It's a small, local race that has been running a 5k and 10k for the past 4 years, but has added a half marathon for their 5 year anniversary. It's in Riverside, CA and is the Citrus Heritage Run. Not signed up yet, but definitely seriously considering it. What's not to love about a local race through the orange groves capped at 800 runners with an awesome citrus designed medal and tech shirt? We just might find out...

I would love to sign off by pledging that I'll be a better blogger, but we all know how that goes! So how about I just sign off by saying no worries - I'll be back when I'm back. As Tigger would say "Ta-Ta For Now" (TTFN).