No Turning Back...

You know how some times you purchase something and immediately feel that buyer's remorse? Or other times, the remorse takes a little to settle in. You get it home, turn it upside down and backwards, move it into different areas and then finally just come to the realization that it isn't going to work. Or perhaps it is one of those times where you are actually thrilled you bought it; you love it; you cherish it...and then it goes and breaks well before it's lifespan should have ended?

Well, I have been seriously dealing with some buyer's remorse...but there is no turning back. It is done. Purchased, paid for, no returns.

I bought it and felt really, really good about it the whole first day! I was loving and cherishing it and then I went to sleep and the next morning I woke up with the thought "holy sh*t...what the hell have I done?!?!?"

Yep - no turning back...it's official:

I've registered for my first full marathon!!! And I'm terrified, anxious, excited, nervous...there's a whole lot of adjectives I could plug in here. What it basically comes down to is that I am a swirl of emotions. I know this is something I said I wanted to do, and it took a TON of courage to actually hit submit on the registration form. But I felt really good about it. I went home and downloaded Train Like a Mother by Badass Mother Runners Sara Bowen Shea and Dimity McDowell, I plugged all the workouts of the "Marathon - Finish It" plan into my Garmin and scheduled them on the calendar and then I realized...oh wait, that means I'm actually doing this. I'm going to run 26.2 miles. By myself. In a Marathon. With other people watching. Wearing a SunRype racing kit.

Who the hell do I think I am?!?!?

I think prior to that moment I had only really thought about TRAINING for a marathon, going to the marathon, having fun at the Expo, making it a fun weekend getaway with my hubby...I hadn't really thought all too much about RUNNING a marathon! HA!!!

Joke's on me, eh?

So I know that these next several months are going to be about not only preparing my body for the rigors of running 26 miles; but will also be preparing my BRAIN for the rigors of running 26 miles. Because, honestly folks, I think that's my bigger problem! Too often lately I've been allowing myself excuses and easy outs when I started this year off wanting to push harder, get faster, and get leaner. Instead the scale is moving in the opposite direction, my paces are getting longer instead of shorter, and my brain is giving my body a million and one willing excuses.

But there's no turning back...come September 7, 2014 I will be running the Ventura Beach Marathon even if it kills me. Okay, maybe not if it kills me...but you know what I mean. My goal - and I'm writing this as much for myself as I am for anyone reading - is to finish knowing that I put my best effort forward. I want to beat the battle of the brain and conquer my fears. I want to push when I want to quit and I want to go into it knowing that I can do hard things. And I WILL courageously cross the finish line with arms raised in victory!!

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Let's get this party started!!