Saturday, November 10, 2018

Relationships and Regrets...

I finally watched the movie The Family Stone and one of my big takeaways from it was how the things we won't regret at the end of the day are things, but would be memories forgotten or relationships that weren't what we wanted them to be.

The scene that got me the most was when one of the (adult) daughters lays down next to her mom that is napping and cuddles behind her and then the mom cradles her face lovingly. And what got me was that I wish I had that relationship with my own mom and my own daughters. Family relationships and dynamics are such an interesting thing. My mom was not a very outwardly loving mom - I think it was just because her own parents weren't as well. We live what we are taught, right? And it was different back then as far as family relationships go. Dads were the disciplinarians and Moms were the housewives; everyone had a role and were expected to live within that role. I have always known that my mom loves me, but we didn't have that close relationship where I could talk to her about boys or tell her my hopes and fears that would cause us to laugh and cry together. There weren't a lot of hugs and the words I Love You weren't very often said.

I have two daughters and I feel like I have close relationships with them, but I can't help but wonder if I passed down the same, to a little lesser degree, space between us. I don't know how else to capture that; not sure there's a word for it. We talk; they know they can come to me for anything and we have a lot of great conversations that incorporate hopes and fears and boys. But I wish that I had just a little bit MORE and I wonder if there's something I could have, or should have, done while raising them to change that. Did I tell them that I love them enough? Did I hug them enough? Was I loving enough? Did they always know that I had no expectation other than that they be healthy and happy or did they feel like  if they show what is underneath the surface that it would surely be disappointing?

Spoiler alert - in the movie the Mom has cancer and is going to die. This makes me think about how if we knew that we only had a limited amount of time with someone, would it change how we behave with them? I would have to think that it would. We would want to hold them a little tighter, love them a little harder, share with them a little more of ourselves, appreciate a little more of them. We would want to know their life story so that when they are gone we could hold onto the pieces of them that made the whole. The childhood stories, the first loves, first kiss, the feeling of holding us as a baby in their arms for the first time. We would want to be able to know and store those inside of us. So why don't we do more to capture that in daily life???

I guess my primary point is why do we wait until time is finite to live it? Why do we take relationships for granted until they are no longer there? There is so much heartbreak in this world and we don't always know when we have our last moments with someone. Sometimes, where illness or old age is involved, we know that time is short. But there are other times that there's nothing to broadcast that THIS IS IT - you better tell those people you love that you love them because you're not going to get another chance.

So don't wait for when there isn't any more time. Do it now. Tell the people you love that you love them. Breathe in their stories, hug them tighter, love them harder, ask them about their hopes and fears.

Live like you may not get a tomorrow and make memories that will be there long after the moment has passed!

Be blessed, my friends, and make today count!
 <3 xoxoxoxox <3

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