Get the Balloons...It's Time for a Party!

Ohhhhh...You thought this was going to be a fun party???? Okay, so my title might be a little misleading...*wink*

So where do I begin? Do I start with the excuses I gave myself or do I start with the explanation of why I should be allowed a pity party? Or do I start with just owning up to my spectactularly horrible marathon training?

#1. I had a really stressful week last week. I won't go into the boring details just suffice it to say that there was some capital "D" - DRAMA that really just wore me down. And then let's throw in work stress and a horrific allergy attack on Thursday and we can pretty much skim the surface of the stress.

#2. It's leading up to Aunt Flo's visit so emotions are on high alert, nothing feels like it fits, I want to eat everything in sight, and the boss brought in new bags of chocolate for the candy jar. All a recipe for disaster.

#3. After a week of unseasonably good weather, it decided to warm way the heck back up for Thursday - Saturday of this week. When's my long run? Saturday morning.

#4. I narrowly missed getting my car towed Friday morning, which meant running down the sidewalk in sandals nowhere near "smart running apparel". Okay, so here's the short version. My neighborhood HOA was repaving all the streets in the 'hood in chunks which meant being creative with parking on the day of the paving in our "chunk". That was on Thursday and we were all rather pleased that on Friday I already had the day off so once we parked the car on the street we didn't have to worry about figuring out how to get out again on Friday morning. Well, except for the fact that where we parked it on Thursday night was the section that was getting paved on Friday morning!!! The notice stated that all cars had to be off the street by 7:00 AM or would be towed at owner's expense. I realized at 7:30 AM that we had actually parked in the "green section", better known as the Friday, June 20th section. So I quickly slipped on the sandals I had worn to work the previous day, grabbed the keys and started walking over to the parking spot with that pit of despair in my belly expecting to see my car gone. As I turned the corner I saw a tow truck backing up towards a sedan car that was parked in the vicinity of my car so you absolutely KNOW I took off at a sprint at that point, right? Thankfully (unfortunately for the car's owner) the car that was being loaded on the truck at that point in time was the one in FRONT of mine, so crisis averted, but WHEW. It was crazy!! And the rest of the day my shins were just tender and sore...hmmm...you think sprinting down the sidewalk in sandals maybe wasn't the bestest idea in the whole wide world? But at least it wasn't for naught because I was able to park my car in the garage at that point.

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So there you have at least some of what my problem is and then just go ahead and throw on top of that a HORRIBLE long run in the middle of marathon training and that recipe for disaster I mentioned in #2 above turns into a fully baked cake for my little pity party!!

Seriously though, I would be lying if I didn't have a whole lot of doubts right about now when it comes to if I feel like this marathon thing is actually a good idea. I was out on my run on Saturday and it was just tough from the get-go. My shins hurt from the sidewalk sprint in sandals, the sun was shining brightly in the sky even at the early hour I was out, there wasn't even a whiff of a breeze to be had, and I'd been through a ridiculous amount of stress for what seemed like weeks on end.

It's wasn't pretty, friends. I tried and tried and tried to get my head in the right space but was never truly successful. And then I started to think: "What am I going to do when I am struggling at the race?" "How am I going to survive a long, hot summer of training like this?" "Man, it's boring as hell out here and I feel like I'm wandering in the desert for 40 years of solitude." "I'll walk until I get to that rock, okay, the next rock; alright, I'll really start running at that curve up ahead." "Who do you think you are...running a marathon! You can't even do the training, what are you going to do at the race...walk the whole thing and finish in 12 gazillion hours?" "I can't do this alone..."

And that's how it went...my brain on the constant hamster wheel.

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But that last thought is the one that truly sticks with me...I think I need to admit that I don't think I can handle these long runs all by myself. It is just totally motivation sucking, brain draining, morale killing, no good  and no fun to run for hours and hours all by myself in the hot summer sun on a dusty trail just me and an occasional "real runner" speeding by me once every hour or so. I mean, the stats speak for themselves - I was out there for 3 1/2 hours people and only ran (if you can even call it that) 12 miles!!! I was supposed to do 15. I am so far behind on my training it is becoming ridiculous.

But I haven't called it quits just yet, but I'm definitely rethinking my plan of attack. I am officially halfway there so I have 10 weeks left until race day to get my act together. I might need to enlist my BFF to ride her bicycle while I run...maybe she will even need to carry a Starbucks or cupcake tied to string behind her to keep me going! I might need to join a run club but the only problem there is that there isn't anything local so it will mean driving for 45-60 minutes in a single direction. When you're already taking so much time away from the family, every little bit is precious so that's a tough pill to swallow for me. But I'm not willing to concede defeat...I WILL FIND A WAY!!!

Any suggestions, feedback, help??? PLEASE??? :-)

Or criticism from YOURSELF...right?