Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Harshest Critic...

There are a couple of things that happened yesterday that have still lingered into today as far as self-reflection goes.

First, you know I talked about how I was struggling with confidence after a tough couple of weeks in eating, training, and life. And then I go to the race website for the 5k and find my race pictures. Not a good idea when confidence is low, let me tell ya! I never felt like this meme was more true:

Sorry I don't have a source for this one, but it is all over the interwebs...

Why yes, don't I look attractive (on the right in the pink and black)...hello double chin, weird arm swing with fat bulge near the pits, and ultra white thighs that just look massive! Lovely...

Alright this next one doesn't look as bad...but all I see are the imperfections and the fact that the little old(er) lady in the picture finished in front of me. She was probably speed-walking (I swear I get beat by a speed-walking Grandma every. single. time).

I am definitely my harshest critic, and I recognize that! But I still have a hard time not doing it to myself and I'm surprised constantly by how I *think* I look all cute and fit while I'm running and in reality...yeah, just go back to that first meme up there. NAILED IT!! ;-)

Okay, so the second thing that happened - well, let me give you a little background first. Yesterday's training plan was a non-optional workout. I think I've mentioned before the the Train Like a Mother plan that I'm using has a non-optional workout (move heaven and earth if needed, but get it done) and others that you can skip if you need to. This was one of those "don't even think about skipping this" workouts, so I was bound and determined to get it all done and to hit the paces even though I hit the snooze button a few too many times and was getting a later than planned start. So the workout was 5 easy miles, with the mid-3 at race pace. I go to get my Garmin 220 on and set up and it was bizarre because even though I wasn't charging it (the battery life is fabulous so I only have to charge maybe once a week before I do my long run) it was turned off. So I tried to power it up and got nothing. I plugged it into the charger and it came right up and showed a 68% charge. So I took it off and got the GPS turned off, hit the workout on the training calendar and it shut off unexpectedly! I plug it back onto the charger and it now shows a 42% charge...keep in mind that only a minute max has passed since it showed 68%. So I decided that I would need to leave the Garmin off since I didn't A) have time to screw around with it; and B) I thought maybe it needs a full charge to reset itself...we'll find out tomorrow if it is behaving now and if it isn't then it will mean shipping it off to Garmin for diagnostics as it is only about 5 months old. So a major PITA, but no real worries since I'm on the treadmill and won't need the miles counted out for me...I know what I need to do, I just don't have "proof" (anybody else feel like if you don't have the electronic log of your run, it didn't really happen? Just me??? hahaha), so I get through the first mile as a warm-up and then bump up to race pace...and there I stayed for the entire three miles. I even continued to bump it to the faster end of my race pace range.

But do you think I gave myself any credit whatsoever for running those three miles at race pace without a single walk break or even wanting to die? No, of course not. Instead I berated myself over the lack of training last week, the horrible 5k this past weekend,  the fact that I want to sleep constantly, my horrible food choices, and on and on and on. Not once did I congratulate myself for hitting my paces and nailing my workout. I just thought about all the things I was doing WRONG.

The reality is that I need to be kinder to myself. I need to celebrate my successes. I need to own my effort. It might be different than the person next to me, and it might be different than my own tomorrow or next week...but it doesn't mean that it isn't MINE and that it isn't enough to be celebrated or doesn't mean I was successful.

What do you do when you find yourself being your own worst critic?


  1. You know what I see when I look at either of those pics? "Damn I'm proud of her."

    I bet if someone else was saying the same about their race pictures, you'd say the same thing and wouldn't belittle their efforts. It's human nature. We're all our own toughest critics and we compare our runs/bodies/homes/jobs/life to others and pick apart the things that don't seem to "measure up." Be happy you did it in the first place. Be grateful you CAN run, many people can't. Be satisfied with what you can do and shoot for more if that's what you want. You may be disappointed in what you think you should've done but some of us a pretty friggin' impressed with what you DID.

    1. *tears*...words can't just thanks. Thank You!!! <3 love ya to pieces girlie!!!