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Okay, so I stopped off at our local farmer's-type market last night for a bell pepper - rang out at a whopping $.34! - which just happens to be next door to a gym that just recently opened. And wouldn't you know that the treadmills are all right there by the windows so I could see all the people running and walking away? I had to fight tears because even though I have not once - nope not a single time EVER - run on a treadmill, I would have given just about anything to be one of those people at that moment.
I miss running so. freaking. badly. I miss the sound of footfalls on pavement. I miss the cooling breeze generated by forward motion. I miss the glistening sweat after a good run. I miss lacing up running shoes. I miss energy gels and chews. I miss needing a hydration pack. I miss seeing my city while I buzz by on my own two feet. I miss it all. I miss the bad runs, I miss the good runs and I miss the somewhere in between runs.
I received an iTunes gift card for Christmas and I refuse to use it until I can download a bunch of new workout tunes...there's not an expiration date on those things, right?
I woke up this morning and for no real reason I was simply exhausted. Like bone-weary, dead-tired, exhausted. My only explanation is that my body is just weary from being in constant pain. So much of my energy is being focused to my throbbing, achy knee that there just isn't much left in the tank.
I'm holding on to hope with everything I have that this is going to come to an end soon, but I'm at the end of the rope at the moment and my hands are getting slippery. (Another side note: I wanted to find an image of being at the end of the rope and I just could NOT resist this one...because if I'm at the end of my rope, well then hell YEAH I want it to be with the most gloriously amazingly beautiful David Beckham in his underwear! I'll hang on to the end of THAT rope...yep, yep)
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Okay, where was I??? Oh yes - I miss running with every single fiber of my being. It hurts my heart to see posts on Facebook and to read blogs about amazing races and training runs and all that jazz. It just literally breaks my heart. I swear, I feel like I just got broken up with! It's ridiculous I tell ya! Absolutely ridiculous!!!
Well, only about 5 days until the visit with the Ortho. It couldn't come soon enough...until then, I'll keep hanging on to that little sliver of sunshine that someday I will be running again. If Adrian Peterson of my beloved Vikings could come back after blowing out his ACL and MCL and have one of the most Ah-FREAKING-mazing years ever, then there is still hope for little ol' me.
My inspiration to heal:
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it's agony for you but hang onto David's rope until you can get to the ortho.
ReplyDeleteI am slowly working back into low impact but it's VERY hard to not charge back into it and I need to remind myself I will end up reinjured if I do that so please do the same for yourself as you heal. Ease back into things because the pavement will always be there and you want to make sure your knees are too.
Crossing my fingers for good orthopedic report - but as I mentioned on SP, I fear you may have some damage that will require surgery (refer to pic of AP) - remember "A Chance to Cut is a Chance to Cure" or "Heal with the Steel" ;-)
ReplyDeleteluv your friend the surgeon!