Finding Quality...

My blog is called The Pursuit of a Quality Life because I truly do attempt, at the very least, to find quality in the every day. The mundane, the hectic, the good, the bad and the ugly. Quality is what I strive for. It might be messy at times, but like a lot of things, quality is what you make it. There's no definition of what it means for each of us individually.

It's kind of funny, because since 2010 I have selected a word that embodies what I want for the year. Traditionally, this is usually around the Christmas/New Year's holidays. In 2010 my word was Peace; 2011 was Quality (see there it is right there!); and 2012 is Strong. When I selected Quality as my word, I don't think I fully understood it. Peace was a VERY strong word for me and it tested me constantly throughout the entire year, starting off early in February and never letting up. It brought me a lot of tears, but a lot of growth. So I think I was a little gun-shy when I was selecting a word for 2011, and quality seemed to be just the benign type of word I needed. And it kind of stayed that way all year never truly becoming a mantra or a way of life. However, I can look back now and see how it manifested itself, especially when I look at the word I picked for 2012. You can't truly be strong if you don't even understand quality first. Because there are lots of ways to be strong...you could be a strong pile of dog doo-doo, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are going to be a QUALITY pile of dog doo-doo, does it? ;-) Okay, now that some of the background is out of the way, I have to say that the past couple of months have been a journey in quality. I feel like I'm finally finding it...

This past weekend was pure quality from spending awesome time with Joshua - the boy grand baby - reading books and singing softly as he falls asleep...until he lets me know he's nowhere near asleep with a little huuuuunnnnnnhhhhh and then a giggle. Silly boy...

Feeding the ducks that decided they wouldn't bite, and feeding the fish in the lake instead.

Doing a puppet play at my niece's birthday party where we acted out the book "Give a Pig a Party" (I think...) with little wooden spoons and handmade hand puppets with a group of girls that giggled and played along while my sister read (I got to be the pig getting the party!!!! So Fun!!)

Running hill repeats at The Beast. Yeah - I call that quality!

Making a new recipe on both Saturday and Sunday night for dinner.

Enjoying the Sunday night dinner with the hubby by candlelight at our little kitchen table because candlelight makes everything special and magical even if it's just a little Sunday dinner between old married people.

Taking a bubble bath by candlelight while reading a great book.

Cross stitching while snuggled up in my recliner and beams of sunshine filter in to illuminate the task.

Doing laundry...okay, okay - I know I might be pushing it there a bit, but the pile was getting pretty crazy so it was most definitely quality time when I was able to put the last of it away!

There were lots and lots of littler moments in there, but the reality is that it was full of quality...and I loved every second of it!

When the Fun Gets Carried Away...

I will admit it...I'm a little bit bored these days. I don't have anything majorly pressing at the moment so I've allowed myself a little more "chill" time. But I have to also admit - I have gotten completely carried away by it...like a little boat adrift at sea!! And not necessarily in a good way. I can't even tell you how many hours I have lost, let alone today, but all week.

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So what has been eating all my time, you might ask?? PINTEREST!!!

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Yep - I'm like a little Pinterest zombie right now...scroll, repin, like, click, edit board, wash, rinse, repeat again and again and again. It's become ridiculous. And even though I've been getting all kinds of awesome motivation to move and new exercises to tone my abs and remove my arm flab, I've also gotten all kinds of food ideas! Not good...the past two weekends I have baked away...and unfortunately that also means I have eaten the goods. sigh

Today, I finally had to force myself to click the red x in the upper corner because it has slowly become an obsession. I've already resisted the urge to open it back up several times. 

It's just so funny how these things can take off...MySpace, Tumblr, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter. All it takes is a few people to become obsessed and then next thing you know it's a national obsession taking up all our time. And even though it inspires us sometimes, sometimes the inspiration can make us feel somewhat inferior too!

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So I shut it down...for today at least!

How about you - what's your latest obsession?

Changing the Past and Regrets

You always hear the age-old question - if you could change something about your past, what would it be and why. My response has always been that I wouldn't change a single darn thing because everything that has happened to me in life has made me who I am today.

If my Dad had stuck around, I can't even imagine how life might have been different. Would he have been unhappy? Would my Mom be different as a mother if she was also a wife? How might it have changed the relationship with my siblings? 

That's me on the left with my sister, Heather on the right - I still laugh EXACTLY the same way - head thrown back and busting a gut...

Would I have played soccer since it was an activity my Mom encouraged us to do so we wouldn't be sitting at home by ourselves as often while she was a single mom working in the world? 

That's me with my head thrown back and busting a gut...told ya! Some things apparently NEVER change. ;-)

Yes, I think about how things might have been different - like would I have finished high school and gone on to college if I had the influence of a father instead of searching out male affection and getting pregnant as a teen? Perhaps...but then that would have set my life on a completely different course and I can't guarantee that I would be any happier, or that I would be worse off or whatever because the reality is that we don't get to have a It's a Wonderful Life Jimmy Stewart moment where we can see how different situations changed our paths. So my life is what it is because of my life experiences, and it may not always be perfect, but it's a good life. I'm stronger than some because of the struggles I've had. I can empathize more than some with others that have grown under non-conventional situations because I did the same.

BUT the same would not be true if someone asked me the same question in relation to my body. If you said to me right now if there was something about my body that I could change what would it be and why and I would have given you a laundry list of items that would be on there. I could see myself getting carried away...smaller butt! perkier boobs! thinner thighs!

And then reality sets in...wait a second, doesn't my body also reflect everything that has happened to me in my life and has made me who I am today? How is it any different?????

My legs provide me with strength for running and hiking and chasing grandbabies and so much more! If they were thinner perhaps I wouldn't have that strength. My boobs reflect the fact that I've provided sustenance for four babies. My butt...well, I don't know but it must serve some kind of purpose! LOL My stretch marks are tiger stripes earned by carrying those four babies during three pregnancies to full term happy healthy newborns. Without my extra "cushioning" I wouldn't know the thrill of victory of shaping my body into something different. Yes, I was a skinny child and was totally fit and active as a teenager. I could have simply maintained that...but if I had, then I might not have ever become a runner. I might not truly ENJOY working out...it would probably just be something that I "had" to do to keep my figure. I might not have discovered healthier ways of eating that I actually enjoy!

So really, the same holds true...I can't know what might have been, so why change it? My body is a reflection of who I am and who I am shaping myself to be just as my past is a reflection of who I am and who I am shaping myself to be. Time to stop thinking about what I would go back and change if I could and time to focus on being who I am - live life in the NOW and be happy for every challenge and every victory!

Letting the Feet Fly

I headed out this morning for a run after missing the last two that were scheduled, making it a solid week since my last one. My legs and body were itching to run, my feet were begging to fly. Even though the legs were itching and the feet were begging, they definitely weren't trying to make it easy on me! Turns out that my feet, especially along the arches, are super sore from walking on the sand at the beach this weekend; and the legs - well, those are super sore from the lunges and squats that Jillian Michaels inflicted upon them yesterday during the 6-week 6-pack level 1 workout. Ugh.

But with a little of my own begging and pleading, they cooperated and at least shut up enough to let me have moments of bliss while I tucked my shoulder blades back, opened up the lungs, and appreciated the cool touch of air against skin that kept the sweat at bay. It felt glorious, even if it didn't look beautiful!

One of my absolute favorite running companies, Run Pretty Far, which is a small woman-owned company that has been going for just over a year (check them out and you won't be sorry - www.runprettyfar.com) is having a flash giveaway today on their Facebook page and her question was if you had a magic ticket and could go anywhere for a run right now, where would you go. My mind immediately thought ALL of these:

1. Ireland - right along the coast!
2. Oh wait, ITALY! In Rome by the coliseum!
3. Oooh - New York Central Park!
4. A Beach anywhere!

Okay, so there's lots of places I would like to run apparently. :-D Perhaps someday...but until then I can't thank Jenn at Run Pretty Far enough for making me take a moment to think about it! Perhaps I will have to download a little Celtic for my next run and let it take me on a magic carpet ride to green rolling hills. Or some Italian opera, or better yet, the soundtrack for Gladiator, and let it take me to Rome and a time long past. Some show tunes and I'll be in New York; and finally, Jack Johnson can transport anyone to a beach somewhere, anywhere! If I can't do it in real life, a girl can at least pretend!

All I Can Do...

All I can do in this life I've been given is strive to be the best ME possible! I have been doing some thinking lately about my running, primarily, even though there are other aspects of my life that are touched on. I kind of took a month or more off of serious running...well, wait - now that I think about it I think I did recovery following the Tinkerbell Half Marathon back at the end of JANUARY and never really returned to feeling like I had that "fire in my belly" for running. I had a lot of life stress going on and my running became something that was just one more thing that I felt like I had to do...and I didn't need even one more have to do so running kind of took a backseat. That was probably the first time in the almost three years that I've been running that I was getting little to no joy from it. Don't get me wrong, it felt good when I went out and got it done the once every couple of weeks I was doing it, but it didn't feel good getting there...putting on the clothes, the running shoes, the iPhone/iPod, the headphones, the Garmin. It just all felt like WORK. So I kind of took a break from more work.

And then the life stress lessened a little and I realized I needed to get back to a regular workout schedule which includes running 3x a week. But as I have been mentally thinking about where I want to go, the negative thoughts come creeping in. The ones that tell me why bother because I'll never be "fast". I'll never win races. I'll never be one of "those people" that run effortlessly pounding out 5 miles in under an hour 5 days a week all before they head off to work. That will never be me - so...why bother????

Well, because although I will never be the fastest runner, I could be the fastest runner I could possibly be. I still don't know what that threshold is, and it may never be as fast as I was a year ago because as you get older, you naturally slow down. But I don't know yet if it was my max...all I can do is keep trying and see where I end up!

I may never win a race...but I can beat myself in a race! So far I've been able to mostly improve on my time in each consecutive race I've done. That's something tangible! There may be times, like the upcoming Idyllwild 10k on June 2, that I consciously decide that I'm not going for a PR (personal record)...and that's okay too. I don't have to beat myself every time. OR I can just be one of those runners that is still going strong at 80 and by then the competition in my age group should be significantly smaller and I'll win by default! ;-) Hey - a win's a win, right?!?

And who says I can't be one of "those people" banging out 5 miles before work. That is far from an impossibility. Yes, I may have to get up even earlier than I already do...but if it's something I want, there's no reason why I can't attain this.

The reality is that I may never be better than the person next to me, but I can be a better person INSIDE of me! And that's all I can do...and it's enough.

Gaining Strength

So my word for 2012 is Strong...in choosing that word I was focused on inviting into my life a strong marriage, strong friendships, strong faith, strong work ethic and some actual physical strength mixed in with some other less tangible ways of building strength. But I don't know why I didn't really THINK about it and what that means. I already know that choosing a word for the year can be a powerful thing...I learned that with Peace back in 2010! But I started thinking this morning about some of life's recent challenges and I realized that I INVITED THEM!

When you build physical strength by lifting weights or using your own body weight, physiologically you are creating tiny tears in your muscles that rebuild into a stronger muscle during the recovery period. I think we all remember this from Science class and from TV shows like Dr. Oz, etc. This isn't new information, right?

So if I want to be stronger in all those ways I mentioned above...did I actually think that was just going to magically happen? That I was going to just wake up one day during 2012 and my marriage would be awesome, my faith would be off the hook, my friendships would be rockin' my world and so on and so forth? Yeah, I kinda think I did think that. Or maybe more appropriately would be to say that the absence of thinking about it period meant I thought this was going to be a magical transition from weak into STRONG.

Bwahahahahahaha - like seriously, Kristen?!?!? Let's be real for a moment...

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In order for those things to become stronger, it takes breaking them down and rebuilding them!!!! Maybe not individually each and every single one of those things that I asked to be stronger, but as a whole I have to be broken down and rebuilt. And breaking down and rebuilding...well, it's hard. It takes us to places we don't really want to go. It makes you sweat and cry and bleed (figuratively hopefully!) and when all is said and done you feel like jello has replaced your insides. It's no different than when you have a total kick-butt workout and at the end you just want to lay like a puddle on the floor because there's nothing left inside to give.

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Now just picture that as mentally instead of physically exhausted...torn down...jello inside...used up...nothing left to give. Yeah - not a pretty picture!!

But you know what? In the end, when the soreness goes away and you look at yourself in the mirror and you see STRONG you realize it was all worth it! All the challenges and obstacles. All the battles. All the "opportunities for growth". Everything. It was all worth it!!! Because what has replaced the weakness is a total and complete BADASS!! And she is fierce! And that strength, it isn't just relegated to one place in life, it spreads and blossoms into ALL facets.

I may not be to that place yet, but I'm getting there. It might hurt and it just might hurt so bad it feels good.

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing well. If it is worth having, it is worth waiting for. If it is worth attaining, it is worth fighting for. If it is worth experiencing, it is worth putting aside time for.

- unknown

Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.

- Victoria Holt

Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him.

- Aldous Huxley

I'm a Runner, You're a Runner...

Yeah...the rest of that would be "wouldn't you like to be a runner too???" But the reality is that not everyone WANTS to be a runner! I know...*gasp*, right??? ;-)

But for those of us that are "runners" there is a lot to debate about what exactly makes a runner. Is it someone that runs 8 minute miles? Someone that has only one foot on the ground at a time? Someone that is pushing themselves to be faster than they would be just walking? Yeah...lots of debate to be had. Adding to that debate is Pearl Izumi who created a series of ads about "we are not joggers". Oh what's this? There's a difference between runners and joggers? What might that be?? More to debate. Personally, I don't think there's a difference between runners and joggers. Sometimes I'm a runner, sometimes I'm a jogger. No I don't run 8-minute miles and I probably never will. BUT I do run. Don't get me wrong...I push myself to go as fast as I possibly can. Yet, sometimes when I punch in my run on a tracker it comes back and says I was WALKING. SAY WHAT?!?!?!?!?! I beg to differ...my running is most definitely NOT walking.

So here's the thing - I'm a runner. I've run multiple 5k's - no I didn't win my age group. I've run two 10k's...and no, I didn't win my age group. I've even run two - TWO - half marathons! And, no...I didn't win my age group on those either. So you may be wondering how it even is that I have the nerve to call myself a runner right? Well, I can call myself a runner because I bear the marks of one!

• I have runner's calves! You don't get those babies by sitting on a couch, yo! You EARN them by pounding the pavement...and that I have done - oh yes, I have!
• I have a black toenail! Normally, that wouldn't be a good thing...but I earned that baby pounding out 13.1 miles. And let me tell ya - 13.1 miles may not be a full marathon, but it's more than an average person can say they have gone whether running, jogging, wogging, walking, slogging, whatever!
• I have KT Tape and know how to use it! If you don't know what I'm talking about, then well, never mind. Look it up on Google or something. LOL
• I have a Garmin and know how to use it! And I do use it...usually 3x a week at least and I have splits, and pace, and all that jazz.

The point of the matter is that nobody else can define me but me! Nobody can tell me that I'm NOT a runner, because I know that's a lie. I don't care that I haven't won my age group in any of the races I've competed in and probably won't until I'm only one of 3 in it. I don't care that some trackers try to say that my "run" is a walk. I don't care if Pearl Izumi says that they are "not joggers" with disdain at those that are. What I care about is that I AM A RUNNER. And nobody can take that away from me...my black toenail tells me so!